You're my little dorito
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
