So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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