I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
