If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
