I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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