Porn is love you can see.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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