i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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