You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
