The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
