dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
