So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
