Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Are my feet made of real feet?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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