I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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