The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
