I'm really into asian looking animals
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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