Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
