Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
