Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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