After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
