i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
