Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize