Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
he thought i was a dude.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
