filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize