I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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