I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
