they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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