How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
