Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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