Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
