you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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