In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
