We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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