He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
