At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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