Have you finally orgasmed yet?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
