Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
