College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
