dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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