i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
