Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
