I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize