You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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