He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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