Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
