so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
