Apparently you make a good broom.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
