We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
