you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
