WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
