I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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