My friends, they love my intelligence
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
