She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
