Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
