omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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