by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
