I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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