I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
