I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
