Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
