He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
