there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
