I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
