she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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