Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
