Don't you send me to vm
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
