at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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