Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Randomize
