you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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