I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
