woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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