The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
