a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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