You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
