Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
i believe in u and ur pee
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