You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
