Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
