I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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