I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
