Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
