K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
is that a dick in a sweater?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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