I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize