Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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